The Navigator
by Kursed SeeD
Summary: Baralai runs away from his friends, who continue to baby him, and begins anew as an Al Bhed. Can he succeed or will he be broken? [Yaoi. BG.]
1. If I Could

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Title: **_The Navigator_**

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Author: **_Kursed SeeD_**  
  
**Warnings:** **_Angst, Spoilers unless you've um... beaten the game! (Good ending would work best. Common ending okay, but it will include some spoilers.) Yaoi. _**

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Pairings: **_Baralai/Gippal._**

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Notes: **_Yes, yes. I know I've been saying for the longest time that I was going to write this story... sorry for the wait! I didn't like the plot I had going, so I had to think of a new one!_**

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Disclaimer: **_Don't own it, don't whack me. ((Zell: AGAIN with that?!))_**

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If I could...

**__**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Baralai stared at the wall, the shadows dancing in the night. He felt hollow, empty, like he had been drained for all he was worth. 

It had been exactly one month since the defeat of Shuyin and Vegnagun. One month and he still felt like shit. 

Everyone treated him differently these days, even his beloved Gippal. Some people were afraid of him, some afraid for him, and some just plain flat out hated him. Not many knew about the Vegnagun incident, but everyone knew how he had twisted and manipulated the New Yevon members, and not everyone would forgive him for it.   
  
He felt like he was suffocating in this place. Everyone was always so damn careful around him. (Either to protect themselves, or to protect him.) He just wanted to fade into the background, to be treated like any other human being on Spira. But no, either he was a monster, or he was a victim. Either way, it was some role he didn't want, some role he didn't ask for. He was just Baralai, and that's how he wanted it to be. 

Baralai might have been able to handle everyone else treating him differently if it hadn't been for Gippal being among the ranks. Gippal treated him like a porcelain doll these days; always afraid he would break. Baralai had fell in love with Gippal in the first place because Gippal treated him like a human being; not like the soft-spoken girl-man he appeared to be. A lot of people, even before he joined New Yevon, had wanted to take care of him, to make sure he was all right. Baralai had always resented that. He was a full-grown adult; he could take care of himself. If he had had trouble convincing people of that before, it was nearly impossible now. 

But now... even Gippal was treating him like a child. He knew Gippal was only doing it because he cared for Baralai, but that didn't really matter. Gippal knew how much Baralai hated the sort of treatment, but he did it anyways. And it was killing the silver-haired man. 

He sighed to himself and sat up, briefly glancing over at the sleeping form beside him. For a few days after the defeat of Vegnagun, he had considered leaving. Just disappearing entirely. He hadn't decided completely until earlier that night.   
  
**---Flashback---**

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"Baralai! Dinner's done!"   
  
"... Did you cut up my meat for me?"   
  
"Heh... sorry... it's habit, honestly. Got a couple of young cousins, y'know? Oh, come on, Baralai. Don't look at me like that. It was an honest mistake."   
  
"You've also been laying out my clothes..."   
  
"Heh, you noticed that? Yeah, well, that's just because, um... well, I think you look damn sexy in some clothes and I just wanted to see you in them!"   
  
"I'm not an idiot."   
  
"Hey, I never said you were!"   
  
"And I am not a child. I can feed and dress myself."   
  
"Well, I'm sure you can... I'm just trying to help out, Baralai... look, I know you're going through some stuff and having a lot of trouble... and I just want to do what I can."   
  
"Well, in that case... I have something you can do for me."   
  
"Oh yeah? What's that?"   
  
"Stop babying me."   
  
**---End Flashback--**

He just couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to go to a place where no one would know him; no one would treat him differently. Someplace where he could just become another person entirely.   
  
And he knew just where that was.   
  


**__**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gippal rolled over in his sleep, throwing his arm across the bed. He sat up instantly and looked around the room. Baralai was no where in sight.   
  
He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock. What in the hell could Baralai be doing up at three thirty in the morning?   
  
Cautiously, Gippal got out of bed. "Baralai? Baralai, you here?" He called out as he made his way into the living room. 

When he reached the living room, he again looked around for his silver-haired lover. His eye caught a single white sheet of paper, lying on the table. Curious, he walked over to it. It was written in Baralai's handwriting, addressed to Gippal. 

A bad feeling began to swell in the pit of his stomach as he sat down and began to read. 

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"Dear Gippal: 

Perhaps I owe you some kind of explanation, some reasoning behind my actions. But, I don't have anything to give you. All I know is that I'm suffocating here; I need to breathe.   
  
I know you all were only trying to help me... but all I wanted was to be treated like everyone else... I didn't want to be pampered or babied... and I told everyone that repeatedly. 

So, I've decided to leave. To start over completely. All I will ask of you is that you do not follow me... this is something I want to do, something I **need** to do.   
  
I'm sorry for all of the pain I have caused you.   
  
Love,   
Baralai"

Without another thought, Gippal got up and ran out of the door. 

  


**__**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yuna? Are you there?"   
  
Yuna blinked a couple of times. "Huh?"   
  
"Are you awake?"   
  
"Gippal?" She asked, sitting up. "Is that you?"   


"Yeah."

  
She looked over at the comm sphere. Gippal sat there, his eyes slightly red. 

  
"Hey... are you okay?"   
  
"Baralai left."   
  
Her eyes widened slightly. "What?"   
  
"He just... he up and vanished. Left me this note, too." He waved a piece of paper in front of the comm sphere.   
  
"What's the note say?" Yuna asked worriedly. It was true she didn't know Baralai that well yet, but he didn't seem like the type to just up and disappear. Not unless he had a very good reason. 

"He says we all babied him too much, and that he wants to start over. Oh yeah, and we're not supposed to look for him." Gippals' voice had a slight panicked tone to it. Yuna couldn't blame him, she herself was starting to get very worried.   
  
"Do you have any idea where he might have went?"   
  
"Notta fuckin' clue." Gippal replied, shaking his head. 

  
"Okay... well, I tell you what... I'll be over there as soon as possible, and we'll all go look for him, okay?"   
  
Gippal nodded slowly. "Thanks... Yuna..."   
  
"It's really no problem. As long as we find him, I'm fine." She assured him, flashing him a smile.   
  
Gippal lowered his gaze to the floor. "Cunno." He whispered, shutting of the comm sphere.   
  
Yuna sighed to herself. Gippal had no reason to be apologising to her, it was completely understandable why he was worried. And besides, they were all friends. Helping each other was what friends did, right?  
  
"Mmm... what's going on?" A sleepy voice asked. 

  
Yuna turned to Tidus. "I have to go to Bevelle."   
  
"Something happen?" He asked tiredly, opening one eye.   
  
"Baralai's vanished."   
  
"Want me to come with?" 

Yuna thought about it for a second and then shook her head. Tidus had been working hard lately and sleeping little. "No, just get some rest. I'll be back after a bit, okay?"   
  
"Mmhm." He replied. 

She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, then stood up and began to get dressed. 

  


**__**

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"So... whatta ya think?"   
  
Baralai examined himself in the mirror. Yevon, did he look different. Rikku had cut his hair in a different style and dyed it black. His eyes were now purple, due to some sort of magic that she had used. And he was dressed... in leather. Something Baralai had never wore before and had never planned on wearing. "It looks great." He said, smiling for the first time in ages. 

"So... why ya going into hiding anyways?" Rikku asked, scratching behind her ear. 

"Because... I just want to blend in... I don't want to stand out anymore... I want to be just like everyone else..." Baralai said softly. 

  
"Aw, but individuality rocks!" Rikku cried, throwing her fists up into the air. 

"Maybe for others..."   
  
"Oh! You know what!" Rikku said suddenly. "If you're going to disappear, then you have to change your name!"   
  
Baralai hadn't thought of that. "Change it to what?"   
  
"Hm..." Rikku tilted her head, thinking. "How about... Kevran?!"   
  
"Kevran?" Baralai asked, unsure.   
  
Rikku nodded. "Yeah! It was the name of one of my friends."   
  
"What happened to your friend?" He asked curiously.   
  
"He died when the Guado invaded our home..."   
  
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."   
  
"Yeah..." Rikku's face lit up again. "But I think Kevran would be a good name for you! Goes with the hair!"   
  
Baralai smiled again. "Okay. Kevran it is."   
  
Rikku started to bounce around, as Rikku tended to do when she got excited about something.   
  
"Oh, and Rikku?"   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Thank you." Baralai said softly. "I know it will be hard for you, having to lie to your friends... and I really appreciate you helping me out like this..."   
  
Rikku rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it! It's for the good of the nation! Besides... I know what it feels like... Oh! And I can get you a job on my father's ship! Since Yuna chewed him out for turning Zanarkand into a tourist attraction, he's decided to build stuff and help 'advance' Spira!"   
  
Baralai bit his lip. Working with Cid would mean running into Gippal.   
  
Rikku noticed the look on his face. "Oh no, don't worry about that! I'll make sure that you'll never run into Gippal or anyone else who might know you!"   
  
That definitely wouldn't be easy. Practically everyone knew who he was. But he had no choice, he had to trust her.   
  
"Okay." He said nodding. "Sounds good to me." 

-

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Author's Notes:_ Well? Thoughts, anyone? Annnnyyyyyyone? Nice thoughts only! ^_^_

Oh, and a couple of notes... Cunno means sorry.. and Yuna should know Al Bhed, since I had to go digging in the desert for most of the primers. ^_^ 

About Baralai... I do think a lot of people would have treated him like a child, simply because he is so soft-spoken and seemingly fragile. And after the events with Shuyin and Vegnagun? Even Gippal must have wanted to just protect him like there was no tomorrow. However, I just don't see Baralai as the type to enjoy that sort of thing... 

--Many, many thanks to Zencreation for beta-reading this and enduring the spoilers. ^_^--


	2. Then I Would

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Then I Would.... 

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It was a hot, humid day, the kind that sent most people inside, into lakes and oceans to cool themselves. Rikku and Baralai sat in a dusty old room, as they had been for most of the day. Sweat dripped off of their bodies, but they ignored it. They had a job to do, and nothing would deter them from it.

The young Al Bhed girl shook her head in exasperation. She was trying to teach Baralai some basic Al Bhed, but he kept mispronouncing the words, much to Rikku's annoyance. She didn't mind helping him out at all, but after an hour of trying to get one sentence down, it was beginning to grate on her nerves. "No, no, no. You're doing it all wrong. Let's try this again. It's 'Re so hysa ec.'" 

Baralai took a deep breath, trying to remember the way that Rikku had pronounced the words. He couldn't help it; the words were so foreign to him. Sure, he had heard Gippal use Al Bhed quite a lot, but that didn't make it any easier. Baralai had usually been too involved watching the blonde move to listen to the words he spoke. A sharp pang shot up his heart as he thought of Gippal. He shook his head ever so slightly, pushing the thought and pain further back. "Re so hyza ec."   
  
"No, no! It's not hyza, it's hysa, with an 's'." 

"Hysa." He calmly repeated. 

Rikku grinned in relief. It was about damn time. "There ya go. Now, try saying 'Re so hysa ec Kevran." 

"Re so hysa ec Kevran." He repeated, careful not to stumble over his words.

"Now let's try 'Fryd ec ouin hysa?'" 

Baralai shot her a look. It all sounded like mumbo jumbo to him. "Say that again... more slowly?"   
  
Rikku sighed. It was definitely going to be a long day... 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Gippal sighed to himself and stared up at the ceiling. He and Yuna had spent the better part of the night and the morning looking for clues as to where Baralai had gone, but it had been useless. Baralai had wanted to disappear, and that's exactly what he had done.

He reached into his pocket and took out Baralai's letter. It hadn't even been a full twenty four hours, and already the paper was beginning to wrinkle and tear. Gippal had lost track how many times he had read it already, but he knew it was too many. He had the words memorised by heart, could speak them on command. 

The youth didn't know what to think. He felt... well; he didn't rightfully know _what_ he felt. Fear, grief, guilt. Oh yes, did he feel the guilt. He supposed this was his fault entirely. Baralai had been there, all along, trying to tell him to stop, to just treat him like he would otherwise, and Gippal had plunged on anyway. He had been so wrapped up in keeping Baralai safe and happy, that he hadn't noticed he had actually been _destroying_ his lover. 

What was it Yuna had told him? Not to give up hope so quickly? Gippal wondered how he could manage that. Baralai had specifically said not to look for him, that he didn't want to be found. 

Gippal knew he'd look for him anyways, but a part of him couldn't help but wonder if he was only making everything worse by doing so. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yuna sighed to herself and sat down on the edge of the bed. Tidus mumbled something and looked up at her sleepily. "Hey... how'd it go?" 

"Not so good." Yuna relied rather honestly. There had been no trace of Baralai. They had looked at all of the surrounding areas and questioned everyone they could think of who might have known where the young Praetor had gone, all to no avail. 

"Didn't find him, huh?" Tidus sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. 

Yuna shook her head, her gaze downcast. She felt horrible for poor Gippal, for she remembered all to well what it felt like to have someone you deeply cared about you just ripped away from you in a heartbeat, without any warning. 

Tidus seemed to sense this and reached over, taking her hand into his. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure he's fine. When he wants to come back, he will."   
  
That's what Yuna was afraid of. What if he never wanted to come back? Where would that leave Gippal?   
  
Instead of voicing these fears, she forced a small smile on her face. "I'm sure you're right. Until then, all we can do is support Gippal to our fullest."   
  
Tidus smiled back at her. She wasn't fooling him for a second; he knew how grimly she thought of this situation. But... something's were better left unsaid. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Rikku! Report immediately!" The loud voice boomed, scaring both said girl and Baralai. 

"Grrrr." Rikku looked up at the small intercom in the upper left corner of the room in annoyance. She stood up and sighed, glancing quickly at Baralai. "I'll be right back, okay? Don't wander off or anything." 

  
Baralai nodded and watched her leave the room silently. He closed his eyes. He hadn't realised how tired he was until that moment, when everything just seemed to come crashing down on him. 

He sighed and opened his eyes, looking around the barren room. His gaze rested on the mirror. A stranger stared back at him. He felt so different, almost... naked. He stood up and walked closer to the mirror, examining his newfound self. Who was it? Black hair, violet eyes, leather. He wasn't Baralai anymore; he was Kevran, Al Bhed extrodinaire.   
  
A small bubble of laughter rose up in Baralai's throat. He didn't know who he was kidding. He would always answer to Baralai, he would always forget to respond to Kevran until someone grabbed him and said, "Hey, I'm talking to YOU!" He would always feel uncomfortable in the leather, stand out with the hair and eyes. And he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to correctly use Al Bhed. And that wasn't even mentioning his complete and utter lack of knowledge when it came to machina. What kind of Al Bhed could barely speak their own language, and knew nothing about their trade? 

Baralai bit his bottom lip nervously. He suddenly felt like it was a terrible idea, one that he would grow to regret severely. He wasn't exactly sure what he was doing there anymore. It all seemed like it had happened eons ago. Perhaps it was all a dream, a terrible attempt at freedom and respect.   
  
All and all, he felt like a scared child. He had run from everything and everyone like a coward, not bothering to just take a stand and say quite firmly, "No more!". Baralai couldn't help it, though. He had never been one for confrontations. He had tried, in his own subtle ways, to let everyone know that they were killing them. Hell, sometimes, as in Gippal's case, he had just come right out and said, "Stop it.", but, the minute the babying treatment resumed, Baralai just gave up entirely, submitting like a weakling. 

He sighed again and wearily lowered his head into his hands. Baralai had always been a weakling, a sucker for compromises and outlets. He had only been able to control New Yevon because he had had millions of people backing him all the way, advisors whispering in his ear. He had convinced Seymour Guado to take him under his wing and, for a time, he had felt powerful. 

His encounter with Shuyin had changed all of that. His newfound strength and power quickly vanished from him, leaving him back to where he started, weak and miserable. 

Baralai's emotions flared slightly at the thought of Shuyin. The dream that would not end. 'Nightmare, more like it.' Baralai thought wryly to himself. Hadn't Shuyin told everyone he had chosen Baralai because of his weakness? In that one moment, standing there with Nooj and Gippal, his weaknesses had dominated him, allowing Shuyin quite easy access into his body and soul. 

Baralai felt a lot of guilt over what had happened, but he felt even more anger. He despised himself with a vengeance, for not being strong enough to resist, for allowing himself to become some mere puppet, for betraying everyone and anyone. 

His head began to pound furiously. He had almost killed everyone, yet all of his friends had tried to take care of him, tried to keep him safe, never once wondering about their own safety. 

What _was_ he doing here?  
  
At that moment, Rikku bounced into the room, slamming the door behind her. "Oooh, that Cid! Thinks he's got control of everything and everyone!" She kicked the wall, muttering angrily to herself.   
  
She looked over at Baralai and frowned. "What's wrong?"   
  
"Hmm? Nothing's wrong." Baralai responded quickly. 

She frowned again and walked over to him. "Don't lie to me, it's written all over your face." Nervousness suddenly graced her features. "You're not having second thoughts about this, are you?"   
  
Was he? He wasn't sure anymore. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now it all seemed so childish to him, he wasn't sure whether or not he should laugh. "I..."   
  
"If you're having second thoughts, I can have you back to Bevelle in ten seconds or less, but I want you to put a lot of thought into this, because I don't want you to regret it later." Rikku said, her face serious and grim. 

Baralai's eyes met hers. He searched them desperately, looking for some sort of answer. He didn't rightfully know what to do. He missed Gippal, that was something he couldn't deny, but... he didn't know if he'd have the courage to go back and face him after just running away.   
  
"If you go back now..." Rikku said softly, as if reading his mind. "They'll continue to treat you the same way... Baralai, you say you want to be treated like a grown and capable adult, then act like it... stand up and follow through with your decision... don't go crawling back until you've given it a good chance..."

Baralai wanted to get up and hug the girl. She was right, she was absolutely right. He couldn't say something and then not follow through, not if he ever wanted to be treated normally by anyone again. Going back now would just prove that Baralai was weak, that he couldn't survive on his own and, most of all, that was the last thing he wanted. 

He smiled softly at Rikku, marveling at how she could be so childish and silly one moment, then so wise the next. "Thank you."   
  
Rikku waved her hand dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Now, come on, enough talk! Let's get back to that Al Bhed, huh?"   
  
Baralai rolled his eyes and groaned, "But... do I _have _to?" He asked in a fake whiny voice. 

  
Rikku swatted at him and laughed, "Yes, you do, Mr. Kevran!" 

-

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Author's Notes: A rather short chapter, I know. Unfortunately, it was about all my muses would give me at the moment. They're clamoring for me to work on other fictions, so I did my best. I do hope you all enjoy it, though, and countless thanks for all of the reviews I have gotten thus far!

And, just to clear something up, I know that Kevran was _not_ the name of the person who died during the attack at Home that Rikku acknowledged, but she was Al Bhed and a well-known one at that and I am sure she had many friends who died there, so who knows? Perhaps one of those _was_ named Kevran. Personally, I didn't want to use the name Keyakou, because it didn't seem to fit Baralai quite so well. ^^

Many thanks to Ocean-eyed Songstress for reading over this for me and letting me know the shortness was fine and to Zencreation for beta-reading it!


	3. But I Can't

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But I Can't....

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Baralai got out of the bathtub, wrapping a towel around his waist as he padded barefoot across the rather spacious bathroom and into his bedroom. His entire body ached from weeks of hard labor and he was consumed with exhaustion. Rikku had been right, though. A nice, warm bath had made him feel a lot better. It had also made him a lot sleepier, which was something he really didn't need as he had already been exhausted beyond belief.

The black-haired youth sighed to himself as he opened the first drawer in his dresser, grabbing the first clean pair of boxers he saw, not caring which ones they were. He tossed them on the bed and then opened the second drawer, this time grabbing a plain white t-shirt, which also went on the bed. He then proceeded to unwrap the towel from around his waist and dry himself as quickly and effectively as possible. The cool air felt colder against his warm skin, making him shiver and wish he could crawl under the blankets without having to bother to get dressed. Baralai had never been one for sleeping nude, though; he had always been too self-conscious.

Baralai quickly tossed the towel on the floor when he was done, making a mental note to pick it up in the morning before he left for work. The youth walked over to the bed and grabbed the boxers, sliding them up his hips, before grabbing the shirt, putting it on without much effort.

He ran a finger through his still wet hair as he sat down on the bed, sighing again as his muscles protested the movement. He hadn't realised being an Al Bhed meant so much work. 'No wonder they're always so sour and so serious...' Baralai thought to himself as he crawled under the blankets and reached over to the nightstand, turning off the light. 'That kind of work for weeks upon weeks would make even a priest cranky.'

Baralai closed his eyes; his mind and body relaxing instantly. He was asleep within moments.

----------------------------------

_"Still a weakling?" _

_"Huh?" Baralai opened his eyes, squinting immediately to see within the darkness. "Who's there?" He asked suspiciously, feeling a tad nervous. _

_"Give it a rest, would you? Who do you think it is?" _

_Baralai sighed to himself, a feeling of slight resignation coming over him. "You. You haven't bothered me in weeks, I was hoping you had decided to leave me alone."  
  
Quiet, amused laughter. "Leave you alone? How could I? You know you're one of my favourite persons in the whole wide world."  
  
Baralai snorted. "I highly doubt that." His eyes narrowed, more out of habit than anything. "What do you want from me?"  
  
"I want to know what you think you're doing."  
  
The youth's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? What am I doing as to what?"  
  
"This." Came the reply. "Running away, acting like one of those Al Bhed. Do you really think you can fool anyone?"  
_

_Baralai's eyes narrowed again, this time in indignant annoyance. "I didn't run away. They pushed me away."  
  
"Did they?" The tone was amused. "Or was your weakness simply too much for you to bear?"  
  
"I'm not weak!"  
  
Again with the laughter. "Oh, yes, yes, you are. And you know you are too. Rather than facing your fears, rather than facing your friends, you ran. You fled as fast as you could-"  
  
"I did no such thing!" Baralai cried, his hands unknowingly curling into fists. "I tried to talk to them! I tried! But they wouldn't listen! They wouldn't stop babying me, so they left me with no choice!"  
  
The ghost was silent for a moment, before speaking again. "You left yourself with no choice. You never let them see how much it was really bothering you. Yes, you told them, but you didn't put conviction behind your words, you didn't let it stick. You wrote it off yourself as just another day, another misstep, so they did too. They had no idea of the seriousness of the situation because you gave them no idea. And then you just took off. Without a word to anyone. What about your lover? Did you think of him? I imagine he's hurting right now. I imagine he's confused, and that he misses you and I bet he's out searching for you right now. Tell me, do you think-"  
  
"Don't you ever stop?!" Baralai snapped, his violet eyes flashing angrily. "I know what I did! I know that I've hurt him, that I've hurt my friends! Don't think for one minute that I don't know!"  
  
A pause. "Ah. A selfish weakling. How interesting." _

_Baralai bit at his lip, the anger washing over him as he glared meaninglessly at the ground. "I did what I had to do." He said evenly, his teeth gritted as he spoke. _

"_So you keep telling me." Was the weary reply. "But what are you going to do now? Are you going to continue hiding? Or will the little boy eventually come out and face the music?"  
  
The Ex-Praetor sighed, some of the anger draining from him as he considered the ghosts' words. "I don't know... I'm just... I'm not ready right now... I can't... I can't describe what's going on... for the first time in my life... no one expects anything of me... I don't have to uphold some false image, I don't have to keep everyone happy and give them hope for the future... the only thing I have to do is be to work at time and go to bed at a decent hour..." _

"_So all along, you've just wanted to be a nobody?" The voice was curious now, intrigued. _

"_I guess..." Baralai whispered quietly, his shoulders slumping. _

"_And, in order to become this great nobody that you adore so, you had to run away and abandon everyone in the process?" _

_Baralai shook his head slightly, his eyes still averted to the ground. "I didn't... I didn't want to run away from anyone. But... they wouldn't listen... maybe I could have made it clearer to them, maybe I could have let them know how serious it really was and how much it was bothering me... but... a part of me felt... that they should already have known... and I was so tired of having to explain everything to everyone!" Baralai's eyes flashed again as he raised his head, glaring angrily out at the darkness. "Why did I have to tell them?! I thought it was obvious! You never saw me jumping for joy when they treated me like some fragile kid! You never saw me smile about it or thank them! My displeasure was obvious, but they didn't pay attention! They didn't care! And they wouldn't..." Baralai paused, wrapping his arms around himself as a sudden chill overcame him as his voice grew quiet again. "They wouldn't stop... I just wanted them to stop..." _

"_So you left?"  
  
"Yes..." Baralai replied, his voice barely audible. "I left..." _

_Laughter filled the room suddenly. "Perhaps the weakling isn't so weak then! I tell you, Baralai, sometimes you really surprise me!"  
  
Baralai looked out into the darkness, his brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"You say you left them because they wouldn't stop, because they didn't notice, because they weren't paying attention. Perhaps yours was not the strongest of routes, but you've certainly changed from the spineless coward I used to know."  
  
"You can thank yourself for that..." Baralai said, his voice only halfway bitter. _

_The ghost laughed again. "Well, I suppose you're right. But what are you going to do? Will you find the strength to continue with your disappearing act, or do you think you shall cave in and run back to them with open arms?"  
  
"I've made it this far, haven't I?" Baralai asked sullenly. _

"_Indeed you have, but I know you, Baralai. I know how your mind works, how you work. The more time passes, the more you miss them, the more you want to see them, to speak to them. The more time passes, the more you want to run back." A momentary pause. "Am I right or what?"  
  
"So what if I miss them..." The youth said quietly, his eyes clouded with both thought and emotion. "Yeah, it gets harder and harder... I keep wanting to just run back to Bevelle, to tell everyone every little thing that happens day to day, but... I'm... I'm also learning how to live without them... I'm finally learning how to live and survive on my own..."  
  
"On your own?" The ghost laughed again. "That's rich! What happened to the little Al Bhed girl? The one upon whom you were leaning so desperately?"  
  
"Rikku helps me out, but she also makes me work for myself... she never gives me answers, just helps me see a possible solution..." _

"_Ah, well then, good for you. The weakling attempting to become not so weak. I'm wishing you well on your journey."  
  
"....." Baralai had no reply for the ghosts' words. He had heard the humour and cruelty behind them. _

"_I trust I shall see you again in a few weeks. We'll see how you fare then, whether or not you're still walking so tally and spouting your nonsense. Until then, take care of yourself."  
  
"......"  
  
"Always were a speaker, Baralai." The voice said humorously as everything began to grow dull and dim around Baralai. "Always were a speaker." _

_------------------------------_

Gippal stared sourly at his reflection in the water, his head pounding from sleep deprivation. It had been four weeks since his lover had vanished. Four weeks, and he was still no closer to finding Baralai than he had been the night the youth had vanished.

The blonde sighed, looking away from the water as he scanned his surroundings. It was the first time in at least two weeks that he had left Bevelle. He stayed there as much as possible, in case, by some miracle, Baralai came back.  
  
Right now he was at the Island of Besaid. Yuna had bugged him and bugged him until he had agreed to come, stating that perhaps the fresh air would do him some good. 'Yeah, right...'

Gippal watched the Besaid Aurochs practice for a few more minutes before standing up and wiping the sand off of his pants. He shot another look back at the ocean and slowly began the trek back to the village.

The Al Bhed youth was glad that there were fewer fiends around these days. Fighting with those things always gave him headaches and he was giving himself a headache just fine without any outside help. He wondered silently to himself why the fiends were getting less and less in numbers, but then quickly summed it up to having something to do with there being peace in the world. 'Well, not complete peace... there'll always be disagreements and arguments, but at least this time no one's threatening to destroy the world...' He thought wryly to himself as he began his descent down a long and winding path that would take him back to the village.

When he arrived at the village he paused at the gates, taking a brief look around to see who was out and about. His eyes landed almost immediately on a small, bouncy form.

Gippal smiled half-heartedly to himself as he recognized Rikku standing there with Yuna, talking about something or another. The youth paused only for a moment before walking over to join the pair.

"Well, well, if it isn't Cid's girl." He said, his voice full of amusement and teasing.  
  
"How many times have I told you that that's not my name and I-"Rikku suddenly stopped in her usual scolding as she turned to face the blonde Al Bhed, her eyes widening slightly.

"You look surprised to see me, kiddo." Gippal said easily, crossing his arms over his chest as he spoke.

"Erh.... Uh... yeah! I didn't expect to see you here!" Rikku stuttered for a moment, before composing herself.

"That doesn't look like happiness to see me." Gippal replied, raising an eyebrow at the girls' odd behaviour.

"Hmph! As if anyone would be happy to see you!" Rikku cried, flipping her hair over her shoulder in a dismissive way.

Yuna broke in, giggling softly. "I asked Gippal to come here for a couple of days." Yuna's gaze turned serious and a tad sad, as she continued speaking. "He's been running himself sick." She shot him a mock angry look before turning to Rikku. "Speaking of, have you seen Baralai or heard anything of him?"  
  
Rikku began to hop from standing on one foot to the other as she pushed the braids out of her face. "Why would I have seen him?"  
  
Yuna shrugged slightly. "I don't know. I'm just asking anyone and everyone. We have no idea where he could have gone to."  
  
"And we've looked everywhere." Gippal added quietly, biting at his lip.

"Eh, heh, heh, heh." Rikku stared at them both for a moment, completely forgetting about her little hopping game, before she lost her footing and fell to the ground with a loud thump, landing on her butt.

The girl grinned in embarrassment as Yuna helped her up, dusting off her legs. "Well, he's gotta be around here somewhere, right? I mean, he couldn't have just disappeared!"  
  
"I'm beginning to wonder if he didn't..." Gippal said sadly, wondering about the girls' strange behaviour, but marking it off as just Rikku being Rikku.

"Aaah, I'm sure he's somewhere or another. And," She added, looking pointedly at Gippal. "I'm sure he's safe too. Baralai's a big boy; he can take care of himself. He promised just wanted some time to himself to think and what not. I'm sure he'll be back."  
  
Yuna furrowed her brows, listening intently. "Why are you so sure he'll come back?" She asked, studying the blonde carefully.

Rikku turned to her friend, an eyebrow raised. "I'm just saying that I _believe_ he will come back. I mean, come on! You guys mean the world to him, especially you, Gippal." She said, turning and looking at the youth in question. "Besides, Baralai just wouldn't disappear forever." She grinned. "It's not his style. He's like the plague. _He always comes back!_"

Yuna laughed quietly, shaking her head at her silly friend. "I hope you're right, Rikku..." She said quietly after a few moments of silence.  
  
'I hope she is too...' Gippal thought to himself as he said his good-byes and headed back to the Inn, hopefully for a nice, long nap. 'I really hope she's right...'

-------------------------------

"Risey! Wake and shiny!"

Baralai groaned to himself, immediately grabbing his pillow and stuffing it over his head, trying to block out both the light from the sun and the annoying voice that kept speaking to him in the most annoying of tons.

"C'mon, you jerk! Get up!"

"Don'twannagetup." Baralai mumbled, pushing the pillow further down on his head.  
  
"Too bad!" Came the cheerful reply as the pillow was ripped from his grasp and chunked on the floor. 

Baralai opened his eyes slowly and glared up at the perky blonde before him. "I thought you were gone." He mumbled, his eyes closing once more.

"Yeah, yeah, I was." Rikku said, bouncing slightly as she waved a hand dismissively. "But now I'm back and ready for action!"  
  
Baralai groaned as he flipped onto his back, still glaring at the girl. "What's that gotta do with me? I still have-"He looked over at his clock and groaned again.  
  
"Yeah, I know. You overslept!" Rikku waved a finger at him accusingly. "Baaad Kevran, baaadd!"  
  
Baralai groaned again and forced himself to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "I'm up, I'm up."  
  
"You better be! We've got lots of work to do!" Rikku grinned evilly. "Pops thinks he found some kind of ancient machina buried beneath the sand today! Guess what we get to dig up?!"  
  
Baralai glared hatefully at the girl and sunk back down on the bed, his body and mind still tired and sore. 'It never stops, it never stops... aaggh, I hate being Al Bhed...'

"I'm gonna go now, but you better get your butt up and get dressed!" Rikku cried out cheerfully, walking to the door.

"Hey..."  
  
Rikku paused and looked back at Baralai, an eyebrow raised in curiosity. "What?"  
  
"Why'd you come back so early? I thought you were gonna be gone for another three or four days." Baralai asked quietly, becoming more and more alert as the minutes passed by.

"Yeah, yeah, that." Rikku bit at her lip. "Um, they were asking about you." She frowned for a moment before shooting Baralai a brilliant grin. "Not to worry, you are safe!" She frowned slightly again. "I just didn't like the way Gippal and Yuna kept looking at me. Like they knew I was lying or something..."  
  
"Gippal was there?!" Baralai sat up instantly.

"Yeah." Rikku replied, tilting her head to the side. "Yuna said he needed to get out of Bevelle, so she badgered him until he agreed to stay at the Island for a few days."  
  
"How-"Baralai paused, biting at his lip before he continued. "How was he?"  
  
Rikku shrugged, not wanting to tell Baralai the truth, but not wanting to lie, either. "He's doing alright."

"Are you sure?" He asked quietly, peering up at her with his violet eyes.  
  
"Yup, absolutely positive." She grinned again, turning the doorknob and swinging the door open. "He misses you, though."  
  
"What'd you tell them?"  
  
Rikku shrugged again. "Just that I was sure you would come back, that you probably needed time to yourself and that you were more than likely fine."  
  
Baralai frowned. "And what'd they say?"

"They wanted to know how I was so sure." Rikku stuck her tongue out at Baralai. "I said it was because you were like the plague, you always came back."

Baralai laughed quietly, throwing his other pillow at Rikku as she closed the door, narrowly avoiding the shot.

The black-haired youth lied back in his bed, trying to put off getting up as long as possible. 'I wonder if Rikku was lying to me about Gippal...?' He sighed to himself, staring up at the ceiling. 'I really hope he's doing okay... I hope he's not worrying... too much...'

After a few moments Baralai got up and began to get dressed, already dreading what he knew was going to be a long and tiring day, just as almost all of his days were. The dream he had had was lodged in the back of his mind, taunting and teasing him. He could ignore it, though, at least for now. He was always able to ignore Shuyin's words for at least a few hours afterwards.

-----------------------------------

**Author's Notes:** Ha! It's a new chapter! X.x;; I'm sorry I've taken so long on writing. My muses abandoned me and I didn't really have any free time. Now, thanks to some change of plans, I have tons of free time and my muses, amazingly!, have returned and are finally willing to work with me. I promise to update the rest of my stories as soon as possible, I've already begun working on a few of them. –coughs- Anyways, thanks for all the reviews, guys! I hope you all are still reading this story and haven't given up on me completely. X.x;; I noticed we now have a FFX-2 section on , so I moved it to that category.

Enough rambling from me! It's time to get to work on the rest of my stories.

-dodges the army of Neon-Pink Flamingos and runs-


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